difficult to love you
by black angel4
Summary: everyone knows that relena is in love with heero, but another gundam pilot, is also in love with relena. who is it? chapter 1 is very short! r anr! ?xrelena, chapter 2 is up! chapter4 chapter 9 TBxRP
1. Default Chapter

Difficult to love you 

Chapter 1

a/n: It from the pilot's p.o.v , until I reveal who!, I hope my grammar and spelling as alright! (if isn't tell me!) 

I have always watch her from afar, Too scared to approach her up close, scared if heero saw me. So I kept quiet in the shadows, But not anymore! I was there when duo told him. That hilde saw relena onboard the Libra. After hilde was almost killed bringing data from the Libra. So heero decided to rescue her. I can't wait to see her!, her innocent face, beautiful ocean blue eyes, honey long hair, and slender body. Just the thought of her, makes my heart stop and blood rush.

The thing I don't understand is why I can't stop thinking about her, I only saw her once. Automatically she stole my heart and filled the emptiness in my soul. Since, I watched her from afar.

a/n: geez! Who has it bad for relena? If you guess who, I'll dedicated my next chapter to you! (hint it not duo!) chapter 2 will be longer, and who the mysterious lover is! 


	2. chapter2

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Chapter 2

Difficult to love you

a/n: lil was the first one to get in right! So the second chapter is dedicated to her! 

I finish it in my 6th period class ( math I hate math!) well I hope you like it!

_Italic= thoughts_

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" I remember when I first saw her I was at the base in Antarctica , I saw her in a Airplane ,I ask her what was she doing here? She said she needed to see heero. Then she was yelling out to him she had a letter for him as well. He refuse to take it, and told her to go away. But she didn't go away! She told him that the letter was very important and it would explain how to live his life.

I think the pilot told her to come inside, he said she was going to freeze to death, and LT. Noin wanted to talk to her. I was fighting off the search party, in heero's Gun dam since he had mine his was different than mine, it was a lot lighter, The controls and movements were smoother too. Heero's radio was statically I could only pick up bits and pieces of their conversation . Relena found out from LT. Noin that Zechs Marquise, ( The person that heero was in battle with.) Is real Milliardo Peacecraft of the sanc Kingdom, And her brother. I smiled when I heard, I couldn't be happier for her! I could hear in her statically voice , That she was shocked and relieved that she had a brother! Then me and heero left the base and that was first and last time I saw the beautiful Relena Peacecraft." 

Wufei , told me that heero and relena, Have made it back safely to the peace million. He made a sarcastic remark , Saying let's go greet "the woman" I shook my head. I have told him earlier that he should greet Relena Since it's so easy to hurt a woman's feels wufei glared at my me! I didn't want to say it again, I didn't want another "dirty look" for wufei , He'll probably tell me I'm being injustice! ^_^ 

I was walking down the corridor when Heero, Relena, and the rest were at, I was the last one to arrive. She said hello to everyone and it was nice to see them again, even when she say that to wufei He muttered a hello! She noticed me when I arrived, She quickly glances at me with ocean blue eyes, she went up to me, and shook my hand and said, " It's nice to see you again, Trowa Barton." 

a/n: well now everyone knows who it is!, It's trowa! Are you surprised? ~_^, chapter 3 will be up soon! 


	3. chapter 3 gundam wing

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Chapter 3

a/n: I have been getting reviews back saying trowa has been ooc ( out of character) My fault I forget to put the rest in Italic italic =thoughts still from trowa POV 

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"It's been a week since relena has been on the peace million . Every seem to like having her around, Even Wufei starting to like her…..a little. The war was still going on between the earth and the battleship Libra, Whenever someone talked about Zech or Millardo She get this sad, painful look on her face. Like she couldn't believe it was her brother. Mostly she was around Heero, Truthful I could stand it! 

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I know heero don't feel the same way like relena did for him. I know he cares for her but I don't think he loves her At least I don't think so. Since, relena practically became Herro's pincushion, she tell the rest of us why she is doing everything for Heero is away for repaying him for save her life. We all felt sorry for her! Wufei had a sad look on his face! I don't know if it was a sad look or a gassy look, He eat a chill dog for lunch said it was giving him gas, So it was hard to tell. ~_^ Later on that evening, Relena didn't eat so I went up to her room and brought her food. She was sitting on her bed staring out the window. 

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I cleared my throat loudly. She turned around " Hello trowa" She said smiling   
"Noin wanted me to bring you food Miss Relena." I answered _She got up and took the tray from me. _"What are you doing?" I ask _She turned around, _"I'm watching the stars and planets, I can't believe how beautiful space is! I'm infatuation." " I know someone that is infatuation with something." I said under-my-breath. _Relena shook out of her staring trances, _" What?, What did you say something?" She asked _her baby blue eyes widen, I shook my head and smiled. _"Nothing thinking out loud." _We heard someone approaching down the hall, It was duo! He was panting and out-of-breath. _"Trowa buddy!, Didn't you hear the alarm? Millardo is attacking with the mobile dolls and the Virgos come on!" duo yelled _He floated down the hall ( you know the whole zero gravity thing!) I stopped when I got to the door,_ _She watch the battle let out a sigh, _"When will it the end?" _I heard her whisper. My heart sank, Poor Relena! It must be hard for a pacifist, To live in such a bloody destructive world." _

a/n: sad huh? I been busy with school, friends, boyfriend ~_^ plus writer's block, I'll have a chapter 4 I think? 


	4. chapter 4

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Chapter 4 

a/n: sorry it took me so long to update I been have writer block on this story . Like I put on my other stories I updated, if you have any ideas you like to put in the story, put it in my reviews or e-mail-me. PLEASE HELP ME! * clear throat look around slowly* thank you! Italics=thoughts still from trowa's POV

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" Been around four weeks since the battle with Peace million and the Libra, and about three months with the war between the white fang and the Earth. Everyone have been tried and jaded. Relena has been reserved and depressed, Not long, Milliardo made a speech to Space and Earth. Saying: "this is the war to end wars." stated, "to show people how miserable and painful wars are, is to destroy the human race. Humans were the ones to start wars they should end them"

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Since Relena barely comes out of her room. Only to eat. When she does come to the kitchen/dining area, keep her head down, honey-blonde hair looks greasy and tangle hasn't wash or brush in days. Ocean-blue eyes lack of spark, feelings or emotions. Just dull, died, red and puffy. The only people allowed in her room are Heero and Noin. 

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It's two O'clock in the morning and I couldn't sleep. So I decided to get a snack as I floated past Relena's room, I heard sobbing. She was sobbing wildly, I went to her door push the button to open the automatic door. It wasn't locked ,"Swoosh!" the door slides right open. She was all curled up against the wall above her was the window. She had her arms wrapped her legs, face dug in her knees. I hopped over to her bend down, put my hands around her upper arms and shook her gently. "Relena! Relena!, What's wrong?! Come on! Tell me!" 

I only words I could make out of her sobbing, between chocking on her tears were: "Milliardo," " my only brother," "Earth," "why?"_ I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just leave her like this, I would feel guilty. I rubbed both of her shoulders to calm her down, I was expecting her to push me and yell: "go away and leave me alone!" But to my confusion, she didn't. Her arms broken free from her legs and she unburied her face from her knees. Quickly grabbed my lower back, I almost jumped out of my skin her face to my chest her tears made a wet stained on my night shirt. I was in shocked. She was touching me. The little angel of Peace was touching me. Finally, I put my hand on her shivering back and patted in. pat turned to rub the another arm around her waist. I was in ecstasy. _


	5. chapter 5

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Chapter 5

a/n: sorry it took me so long to updated, I been having a hard time thinking up ideas for this story. But I refuse to give up! This chapter will suck! So have any ideas please share them with me! Thank you! Italic=thoughts

" When I woke up the next morning I didn't remembering where I was. I looked around the room, I felt something stir in my arms, Relena. I have forgotten about last night. She was crying and I comforted her, I hope Heero don't finds out He'll kill me! Tho, I could take him on, but that would upset Relena more. I heard someone, and I forgot to close the door behind, I stumbled getting up. Relena slipped out from me I caught her just in time before she hit the floor. One arm across her stomach, another around her hip dragged her like a broom to the bed. Gently put her on it , man! She's a heavy sleeper! Quickly ran out and sealed the door shut behind me. *sigh* that was a close one! I looked to the corridor, It was Heero! I freaked! My eyes widen and I ran.

" About late- morning the weirdest things have been happening. When ever Relena saw me, Her eyes would lit up and go it the another direction, or if she talking to someone she would tell them "I'll talk to you later" and leave. I was in the pit, where all the Gun dams were, I was working on Heavy arms. Heero approached me slammed me against the Gun dam.

" Relena thinks that you raped her last night, she said that you were in her room. So that's why you left her room so quickly this morning." _I could feel my heart pounding!_ " No! She has the wrong Idea! I was…" You calling her a liar?!" "No! she had her door open and she was crying and I comforted her!" " You bastard! You took advantage of her when she was weak?! You think I'll believe that? Stay away of her! She's mine!" 

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" the look in his eyes were more frightening that his words I could feels his angry go though me, he put me down and left. What did I get myself into?


	6. chapter 6

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Chapter 6

Difficult to love you

a/n: again sorry for the long delay. I been having writer's block on all my stories especially this one. I know trowa's character is out-of character, but in my story trying to see trowa in a different light. Some chapters he'll be ooc some won't. Complicated? I like complicated stories more interesting that way! Italic= thoughts

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" After Heero's "talk," I decided to approach Relena explain to her I didn't rape her. I went to the back, we set up a office area for Relena. She been trying to get her kingdom back, the sanc kingdom. She was typing a speech to percent to the romefeller foundation. I clear my throat loudly to get her attention, she turned her head and gasped! Leaped from her chair back up to the wall. " Stay away for me trowa!" _she cried. I began to walk to her carefully, _" Relena it's ok I need to talk to you, it a misunderstanding." _I calmly said. Still she got closer and closer to the wall. "your lying!" she wailed,_ " I remember waking up to you there and my night shirt unbutton!" _ I stopped dumbfounded . _"What? No! How could you think I would do something like that?" _I calmly said again with a hint of angry in my voice. I felt a anger boiled in the pit of my stomach. I tried my best not to lash out at her._

"I don't know." She whispered, " I don't know you that well, so I don't know maybe your right." _Looked up for her shoes, sorrow and kindness she had in her eyes. I think she beginning to trust me. _


	7. chapter 7

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Chapter 7

a/n: sorry for the long delay I haven't update any of my stories on fan fiction or fiction press. Stupid final exams! Been pulling my hair out trying to complete the study guides! One more year and I'll be out of high school forever! Whoo-hoo! Now, I'll have to decide what to be either a chef or a writer! Everyone think I shouldn't be either one I'm not thinking "practical" enough! Well the hell with them! Be whatever I want to be! Still from Trowa's POV italic=thoughts, ::=singing

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"So far it has been a month, we still have not defeated Zech yet. The crew is becoming run-down. Noin has join us. She came back with Heero after one of his missions. Relena been awfully friendly towards me, I'm becoming scared! Not of Relena sudden change of heart, but of Heero. Whenever she around me so is Heero, he giving me his famous "look -of -death," Once he mouth the words "I'll kill you!" Even though I'm taller than Heero, he is a bit strong than me. He probably could pin me to the ground. During lunch, all were in the dining/kitchen area, Relena floated up beside of me and sat next to me. Everyone conservation stopped. Stared at Relena and I. " Hello Trowa." _There was a twinkle in her eyes when she said it. I blushed. _ "Hello Duo, Wufei, Quarte, Heero." _Wufei shoved a spoonful a peas in his mouth, _"Woman…" He mumbled. 'Hey babe!" Duo winkled, Relena giggled "Hello Miss Relena, how are you?" _I smiled, no matter at times when Relena can be so mean to Quarte, He's always so polite._

"Good!" She respond, "Relena." Heero nodded "Heero." _She nodded back. Everyone return to their discussing they were having before. Duo always use his hands or gestured when he talks. He reminds me of a Mime! Talking to Wufei about his gundam, the death scythe. Of course Wufei looked very annoyed. Quarte, Hands folded in his lap, sometime I think Quarte should get a sex change. Make a better girl than a boy! Heero arms crossed, nodding once in awhile to show Quarte he's listening. I looked at Relena who was already looking at me! Face resting in her_

Hands. "Trowa I was wondering I have to go back to Sanc Kingdom to give a speech would you like to come with me?"_ Again everyone stared, how humiliating! Duo, had a huge grin on his face!_ :: Trowa and Relena sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S…..:: _ I took my fork and threw it at his head! Bounced off his forehead and on to his plate. Duo just rubbed his forehead. Everyone eyes widen! Something I won't normally do. Then they laughed! _"Calm down dude! I was just kidding!" duo joked._ Heero, has a brusque expression on his face. His fork clenched to his fist, you heard a light snap. Loosen his fist, snapped the fork in half. _

"So what's your answered?" _Relena's beautiful blues eyes lit up. I didn't know what to say. I just got up and throw my plate away and left without looking at her. I Heard her say, "did I say something wrong?" No, you didn't my darling. I went to my chamber (my room) and think about what to tell her"_

a/n: it looks like relena developing a crush on trowa so what should trowa answer be? Yes or no? if you have any ideas please e-mail **me(darkangel18292@aol.com****) put it in my reviews **


	8. chapter 8

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Chapter 8 

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"I went to my room, and laid on my bed to think. Think about if I should go or not. Pro side if I go I can express my feelings, my everlasting love to her! Con side, what happen if she doesn't accept my love to her? Happens if she laughs in my face and thinks I'm a loser? And Heero? I know she'll say because she love Heero she can't love me? Why is it so hard to love a beautiful Woman who love someone? Why was I curse to have unrequited love? But if worse comes to worse I can……."

*dream state*

*Walking down a corridor, brown corridor. All the doors are were closed. I heard my footsteps echoing. The more I walked I only saw blackness. I kept walking towards the blackness. From out of the blackness someone was calling me, but who? I started to running I wanted to know who was calling me, Could it be Relena? I finally reach the end the voice spoke to me. "Trowa, it echoed, What is the one thing you can live without?" "Without? What do you mean?" My voice also echoed. " if I knew that I would be complete." Suddenly a hand stuck out of the blackness, "Come." I saw a head slow come out…….*

"So you going?" _I jumped a little out of shock! I sat up to see Heero leaning against my wall. _"I haven't decided why?" _I asked, _"I'm ..I'm a little.. Jealous that's why." _Wow! I thought I never live the day that Heero would say he was jealous! And especially me! _ "Your…. "She choose you over me, I love Relena you know?" _Well Duh! He give me a Dirty look. _" Don't you tell her I told you that!, she tells me you didn't "Rape" her, so I'm sorry." _Again I'm surprised! _ " Why do you care if I go or not?" _I asked, he glanced at me, stood up straight, _"You'll know" _as he walked out my room. Weird! I heard a knock, Duo stuck his head in. Oh no! What's those Duo want?_ "Hello Duo come in?"_ With a smirk on his face, hands on his hips. Why I get the feeling he's going to tease me about something? _   
"Relena, from what I heard was a crush on ya, Trowa buddy!" he said winking. " You know for sure?" _I asked, playing it cool_. " Well I heard talking to Noin, and she said something she fond of one of the crew members here, I think she meant you!" _Duo elbowed me in the shoulder. _"Oh really! I would of never guessed!" _I said very sarcastically, Duo just shrugged his shoulders. _" Whatever you say Pal!" _Then left, I pressed the button to shut, automatic lock. I guess I should sleep on it._

A/n: sorry for all the short chapters I been writing I been having writings block! I will make my next one longer! 


	9. chapter 9

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Chapter 9

a/n: again sorry for the delay! I have been busy with work( whoo-hoo I got a job! ^_^ )and with my friends! I promise one of these days I'll finish up all of my stories! ;^_^ here it is! Enjoy! Well you know the rest!

"_ Well you guessed it! I went with Relena to the Sanc Kingdom_ _sigh, I'm a sucker for a beautiful face! I can't say no! ~_^ It been awhile since I been on a shuttle, I think I'm getting space sick! Plus I'm soooo nervous! I hope she doesn't reject me! _

About two hours we landed. Finally! I was worried I was going to puke! Relena came up to me when we on the ground. "You will be coming with me, Mr. Barton." _ Relena giggled she arm linked with me and dragged me off. When we got to the hotel, I throw my suitcase aside and plop on the bed. Ahhhh! Hotel beds are always so comfortable! Someone was knocking on my door, _" Trowa it's Relena may I come in?" " ummmmmm…. Sure." _ Relena came in and shut the door behind her, she lean against the door close her eyes and sighed loudly. " _Miss Relena…… are you ok?"_ She didn't look so good, I stood up from the bed and went over to her. Her eyes were still close I put my hand on her shoulder_ , " Miss…..mmmmmmmmm." _Relena passionately kissed me! Her arms squeezed the life out of me! She finally let go, _ " Miss Relena Peace craft! What…. Are you ok?" _ I was trying to catch me breath I never excepted this to happen! Ok maybe a little, So was she, _ " Trowa I'm sorry I don't know what's gotten into me! I guess I have feelings for you." _ She whispered her face was painted red with embarrassment, yes! Here's my chance! _ " Relena I have always….. _ Before I could finish she left. _

She must have felt really stupid, poor Relena! Well a least I know she won't reject me now! Hehehe! =p So around 3O'clock we went to the castle where the Peace Craft's use to live, so Relena could give her speech. Relena speech was impression! She'll make a terrific leader, her speech was about how she was going to restore the Sanc Kingdom again, into a better kingdom. A kingdom of peace. After her speech, All of the leaders and dictators stood up and applauded some whistled, I also got up and applauded. So after the speech, I decided to talk with her about what happen earlier. I still blush at the thought , I knocked on her door a creep of the door open I could only see her blue eyes. " Relena, may I come in?"_ She hesitated at first, then out of a small fragile voice,_ " yes" _ she sat on the edge of the bed before I could say anything, _" I'm very sorry for what happen earlier, I don't know what has gotten into me." _ I smirked, you said that before my lovely. _ " It's alright Relena, you don't have to apologized like Heero says, " Their not wrong with acting on your emotions."_ Relena got a very painful look on her face, uh oh! I said the wrong thing! Good going moron! _ "Did I say something wrong?" _ I asked, if I'm lucky she'll answer. She turn to the window, her hands folded behind her, _

" you know when I first saw Heero laying on the beach, I …I fell in love at first

Sight."

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That would make two of us, my dear. Then after that he went to the to the same school as I did, most of the same classes sat next to me in one of them."_ Her voice was melancholy, I wonder if more happen between Heero and Relena then we thought. _" I invited him to my birthday party, he ripped the invitation right in front of my face, then when a tear came from my eye he wiped in away. He also saved my life a few times, after that, I couldn't stop thinking about him, I wanted to be more like him I want to get to know the mysterious Heero Yuy." _ Her head fall to her chest and sighed. She drummed her fingers together. _" Apart of me still and always will love Heero, but…but then I met you." _ She turn and looked at my with sorrowful eyes, her eyes shined though the artificial sun, making her eyes more of a sky blue that a ocean. Talking about taking you're a breath away it was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. _ " I met you at the base at Antarctica, or I saw you there, one time I went to the circus on a holiday, I saw you in the clown mask doing those flips I was impressed! I wanted to know the serious looking clown I tried to talk to you but I couldn't reach you. Now and then when ever I had the chance to take a day off, I went to the circus just to see you had me in dazed I wanted to know who you are but I never got your attention. I was afraid to call your name you wouldn't have remember me."_ Wow! I would have never guessed all this time she wanted to get to know me if I think about, I do remember seeing a girl in a pink sweater with a yellow scarf coming near me now and then but……._ " So Trowa now…now you know if you excuse me I must change." _ Relena took her suitcase into the bathroom, I felt like I was going to cry! My little angel of peace wanted to know who I was! Stiff Stiff I'm so happy! _

a/n: I will have the next chapter shortly if you have any ideas email-me on put in the reviews I can use some *hint hint*

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	10. chapter 10

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Difficult to love you

Chapter 10

a/n: I'm sorry for the very long delay I just lazy and not getting a shit about all my stories. Now that I'm off for summer break I'll writing on all my stories again. Since you probably forgot it's from trowa's POV what I think runs though his head italic=thoughts Enjoy!

"Relena went into the bathroom to change while she was changing I quietly slipped away and went back to my room. I just lay there on my bed I couldn't believe it! There is now a change that she might feel the same way about me! I ……Can't face her now! My heart is pounding , my palms are sweaty, I can't breathe! every time I do my whole body no! My whole soul hurts as well! I was sure of it that she would rejected me laugh in my face and walk in the golden sunset with her beloved Heero. I was sure that her lovely ocean-blue eyes was cast on Heero and only Heero. I would be living in the shadow watching her from afar never able to touch her, knowing now I can blows my mind! I gasped loudly when I heard a knock on my door. "Trowa? Trowa are you there?" _She spoke though the door. I automatically sat up. _ " Yes Relena, I'm here." _I said _" I was going to Inform you before you left that tonight there is a banquet the limo will arrive in a hour so I hope you'll be ready. I'll be waiting in the lobby for you bye." _ she finished and I heard her sandals click down the hallway. Good! I have an hour to recollect myself, I went into the bathroom and ran the facet water hot where I could see the stream coming off of it. I flicked back my hands a bit then I let the heat sink in, I splashed the hot water all over my face rubbed in hard until I felt my face burn. _" Ok Trowa get a life! It only Relena Peacecraft!" _I speak aloud to myself_, "It only one girl only one girl…… _"A girl that I love the minute I saw her, _"Only one girl……… _ One girl that I can't live with out. _ "Only one girl……… Oh! Who am I kidding!" _I finished talking to myself. I came out of the bathroom and looked at the clock_ _ I have 35 minutes to get ready well! I better get dress good thing I brought my tux with me._

Well the hour came and I getting off the elevator to the lobby to meet Relena. I began walking in the lobby at first I didn't see her I felt a mix of fear and relief, fear of where was she? And a relief of I didn't have to face her. Then I saw her she wore a sleeveless silk blue-violet dress with roll up sleeves to match, Her dress was so long that I couldn't see her feet what I like to say your typical "Princess dress." Her honey blonde hair up on a twisty bun with those chopsticks thingy in her hair of course! She looked absolutely gorgeous! I beginning to hate her! Not really hating her but…… she's driving me insane! I hid behind one of those pillars things for a minute before I came out. When I did she noticed me right away and smiled at me. Damn it! Why did she have to smile at me! She making it harder! "why Trowa! You look so handsome tonight! And for once I can see your whole face." _She teased me. Oh yeah! I forget to say I slicked my hair back my bangs isn't hiding half of my face _"Yes, and you look so lovely my dear!" _I said kissing her hand God! I'm smooth! She smiled once more and blushed. Of course! I know how to win over the ladies! Ok! I'm done gloating about myself! We arm linked and went off into the limo. We sat there in silence drinking soda the type of soda the richies drink club soda. I'm trying sooo hard not to look at her which is it impossible because she look stunning in that dress it shows off all her best features. The dress makes her look so slender and tall no man could take her eyes off of her……… _ "Trowa! Trowa! Are you alright? Why are you staring at me?" _Her voice snapped me back I can only picture the stupid look on my face with my green eyes staring at her widely. _" No Relena I'm fine."_ I said, _" Then why were you staring at me like that? Like you saw a ghost or something?"_ I blushed I don't know what to say I can't tell her I was staring at her because she is soo beautiful in that dress No! I can't tell her that! _" I was… just thinking that's all."_ good lie. _"About what?" _She asked. God! What is it with women and detail? Think up a good lie! Oh I got it! _ " I was thinking about what you said earlier? About with Heero and you coming to see me at the circus and all." _Well I was completely lying I was thinking about that too. _" I hope I didn't scare you Trowa and about the kiss…… I really didn't know what came over me." _ She confessed. I grinned when she said "kiss " oh! Yes! I'll never forget that! _" No you didn't scare me you just surprised me! I never thought you wanted to get to know me." _ I spoke quietly I feel rather embarrassed just now. _ " Why wouldn't I? You know because your so quiet and reserved it gives you a mysterious quality about you, which makes people want to get to know you because of that." _ It does!????!!!! Wow! I didn't know I was a interesting person! I thought I was boring and normal just now the feeling I had before, scared to face her because I could now touch her from afar doesn't seem so scary anymore. She made me feel alive like I'm worth something. _" thank you Relena, That's the nicest thing anyone ever said about me."_ with that I touched her shoulder to show my thankfulness? She warmly at me which made my heart stopped. If there is a perfect moment to kiss her is now we both stared at each other fro awhile_, _both of are faces came closer and closer went…………………_

a/n: hmmmm! I wonder what happens? I'll have the next chapter up soon! __


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